Is our attitude towards Interior Design a reflection of our trauma, neurodiversity and mental health?
Does the rate, speed and enthusiasm in which we decorate our homes have a direct link to what is going on within us - mentally and emotionally - surpassing far more than just aesthetic opinions?
Some of us spend so much of our free time redecorating, rearranging and upcycling the furniture that it has become a lifestyle in itself. The rise of social media DIY accounts fill our doom scrolling screens with reels of time-lapses and instant updates that give a rose-tinted view of the journey to get from “before” to “after”.
Yet for those of us who struggle to modernise, move on or mark our homes as our own, the flood of carefully curated DIY and interior updates can leave us feeling more unfulfilled, uninspired and inadequate – especially when some accounts are making actual income streams – and we can easily feel left behind.
This blog post shares thoughts and musings on what can dictate our emotions towards our interior décor and how these emotions affect our willingness to decorate. This is more than at just a base level, but the temporary, seasonal decorations, such as the jolly Christmas décor and the climate shifts of serotonin inducing spring/summer edits, to cosy autumn/winter overhauls.
This blog post explores the idea of how deeply emotional experiences of bereavement and trauma, alongside our innate sense of self, can affect our desire and ability to personalise our homes.
All whilst being mindful of how the life-long neurodivergent conditions of autism and ADHD can affect attitudes to our homes’ interior.
When this blog speaks of redecorating barriers, it goes beyond any budget and time constraints, but a genuine refusal and an emotional and mental inability to contemplate making any cosmetic changes to the home. This blog does not seek to give answers and concrete conclusions, but instead offers advocacy, understanding and compassion for those who either find that they cannot bring themselves to decorate or, alternatively, find themselves unable to stop redecorating.
When we think about redecorating, whether that be a big job or simply updating the colour of our cushions that then change the direction of our aesthetic, we can usually bring to mind those who fall to the extremes; the friend whose home looks completely different every time you visit, or the friend who decorated just that one time, years ago, and then has never updated anything since. A lot of us can make the joke in jest of “the time-warp” but is this really all that is going on? Did they simply decorate that one time or move into a home that for them was perfect and didn’t need any cosmetic updates for decades to come?
For the majority of us, there will be the usual budget and time constraints. Redecorating is costly and a once in a decade, or even longer experience. Our lives have become busier, we work from home more freely, and the concept of having tradesmen in whilst trying to work gets pushed to the side whilst we wait for “a quieter period” or “when we’re away next”. Then add on the cost of living and redecorating becomes a zero-sum game. You can do it, but it will cost you something else that you’ve been saving for - the long weekend away, or dependant on scale of the redecoration, updating the car.
The inability or insatiable drive to redecorate can be part and parcel of a neurodivergence. Whilst everyone who experiences autism will do so to a different degree, on the whole, change is uncomfortable. Even small updates to home and a safe space can be perceived by the nervous system as a threat – sparking the fight, flight and fawn responses. This shows up in clothing choices – of having multiple items of either the same thing, or a few items that all look similar – and it can be seen just as readily in our homes’ textiles. Many times, this can be due to a sensory preference, but at other times, a change of direction in décor and design can be overwhelming.
When we consider the effects of trauma on a willingness to personalise home, things start to fall into place.
When you have been living with an exhausting, permanent hypervigilance that arises due to past trauma of relocating your home at speed and with no notice, whereby you have to leave behind so much of what you have, then the survival instinct to simply not try to personalise a home becomes understandable.
When life events take you from one home to another in a short space of time, no matter how much you can weather the changes, it will start to have an impact. Apathy in making the home more habitable is one such impact. When you know you will leave, what incentive is there to make it as cosy or as palatable as possible?
As a military family, we move every couple of years. Home number 6 in 13 years is where we find ourselves currently, and even the thought of putting a drill to the walls to install a fixed shelf fills me with a certain horror. Our home is full of picture frames plastered with easy to remove Command Hooks and Strips, portable MDF bookshelves - albeit the John Lewis Deluxe edition that has wonderfully survived all the moves that we got as a starter set up with our wedding vouchers all those years ago - and fun, easy peel tiles adorning the kitchen that will be pulled off and thrown away at the end of this houses’ stay.
If you have ever experienced a Military “March-out” as they call it within Armed Forces Accommodation, whereby the property has to be put back to its “March-in” condition – including the garden - this can be quite a stressful experience. Whilst also trying to relocate the entire family, change schools and find alternate employment the other side of the country, the last thing on your mind is ensuring that there are only five fallen leaves in the back garden, especially when your home is surrounded by Beech hedges and gnarly old oak trees. Thankfully, sense has been seen, and this rule has since been revoked. That was impossible! But it still had an impact that stays with me. My mind is left in a space of feeling that these homes that we make so many memories in have to be left without a ghostly trace of us ever having been here.
Then comes the complexity…
What about the very real fear of losing memories attached to specific rooms or items of furniture, even if it is a multifaceted emotion of the hard times as well as the good.
The loss of a loved one and the desperation to keep links to them in how they would recognise and remember the home that they once lived in, visited often, or how they chose to decorate.
In contrast, those happier, deeply personal and treasured memories of where a child took their first breath, their first steps, and other ‘firsts’ can also prevent us from moving forward. A period of life being held onto for fear of losing the strong memory of those moments associated with the colours, textiles and layout of specific rooms.
Undertaking drastic changes to the direction of our homes’ interior for anyone takes a period of adjustment, acceptance and determination to follow through. The differentiation here is the time of this process. If you’re indecisive and unable to commit to change, are you changing the interior of your home for change’s sake rather than because you genuinely want to update? Evaluate whether you actually need to change your interior design completely, or if you feel you should simply because of a time period has gone by and “ought” to be modernised. Some rooms like the kitchen and bathroom tend to be updated as a rather forced hand through need for modernisation, the thought of resale, or due to practicality and adaptability as seasons of life dictate. But general day-day décor – Why are you worried about changing it? Is it possible that you are struggling to commit to change because actually, you still love what you have?
“Your home is your castle, but it is also your identity and your possibility to be open with others” – David Soul.
Our homes reflect our identity – home is our citadel and fortress whereby we can shut our the stresses and strains of the outside world. By decorating our homes, even simply with soft furnishings or seasonal décor, we take the risk of being seen through our personal tastes and preferences being literally out on display to be commented on, picked up and examined through the lens of aesthetic opinion. In cases such as these, the lack of aesthetic direction comes from a place of low self-esteem and self-worth. For many, this is simply too raw and too bold a move, so they don’t. If you don’t show personality then there is no judgement, criticism or comparison.
Likewise, when we think of our homes equalling our identity, a change in how we perceive ourselves can lead to a radical overhaul in our décor. Think of the different stages we go through in our bedrooms as we age; we start off in the nursery, then as our childish interests become clear, there is usually the inevitable pink or purple unicorns and rainbows, or dinosaurs and monster trucks stage. Then as the pre-teen stage approaches, these get modified a bit more. Currently, in our home, we have moved from living in Elsa’s Arendelle to being firmly in the leopard print era - albeit in the fun, pastel shades that have become huge over the last year. The teenage years give scope for huge, endless exploration and become almost shrine-like to our emerging near-adult identity before they (sometimes) move out, fly the nest and their bedroom either gets left as a confused spare room, unsure if it will see a semi-permanent return of its previous owner in the years to come, or completely rehauled into the swanky, comfortable home office.
So why should as adults we feel we decorate once and then we don’t touch it for another decade? Because, I would expect, money and time are too precious commodity for the most of us to redecorate as our whims and tastes evolve.
But…
When it comes to a persistent drive to redecorate and rearrange the furniture, there could also be many reasons below the seemingly surface indecisiveness and impulsiveness.
Are those who are constantly redecorating, rearranging and updating with seasonal décor at every opportunity, not just Christmas, but Easter, spring, summer, autumn and Halloween, enjoying the much needed dopamine that comes from a change in their visual attention and something “new” to focus on? For those who experience ADHD, a new hobby or interest can take over the home, all creating dopamine hitting mini wins but with the knowledge that it is only temporary. In a few weeks or months, a new range of home décor can come out and the cycle of constant tweaking objets d’art and updating with seasonal trinkets can take centre stage. Impulse buying that gives a rush of dopamine can be one of the real issues here which is a genuine struggle for those who have ADHD.
But for those of us who are not neurodivergent, or experienced trauma, how much does our mental health have an impact on our homes?
Published rates of those struggling with anxiety have dramatically soured over the years. In 2025, The Priory Group found that 37.1% of women and 29.9% of men live with high anxiety, with the biggest rate (28%) found within the 16–29-year-olds.
(https://www.priorygroup.com/mental-health/anxiety-treatment/anxiety-statistics)
If you’re living in a near constant state of anxiety, and feel a very high need for control, being able to retouch your home gives you visual results and ownership of something that can help with your mental health.
When it comes to reorganising, rearranging, upcycling and redecorating, you can physically see the progress and measure it as a defined goal. It keeps you busy, gives a strong sense of achievement, as well as a higher level of control over your environment.
Perhaps the urge to renovate and rearrange comes from a significant change of season in your life.
A new relationship, a new family addition, or the empty nest stage of life spring to mind. In these cases the interior design choices are made for the benefit of a fresh start. A line drawn under a specific time or event in life that is met with gusto. The same can be true of the reverse; redecorating and renovating from trying to remove negative memories. The desire to move on from a difficult season and start afresh. Both provide a significant impetus to mark and move on emotionally, and our homes are a ready and waiting canvas.
So what can we do about it?
Tips on approaching a refusal to change
Understand your “why?”
Knowing why you don’t want to decorate for the holidays, redecorate a particular room, or invest in making your home feel more personal is half the battle. Is this something that you foresee may change given time, or a feeling you believe will always be with you? You may still not want to decorate even once you know and have taken ownership of the reason why you don’t want to, but just knowing your “why” will give you more control over your decorating choices and be able to explain more confidently to those who ask.
Does it come from a place of fear?
The fear of losing the memory of someone who was a part of the home in its current format is so understandable. This is something that will take time and healing before being ready. Would the person who I shared this space with be lost if it changed? Would I stop feeling their spirit, smell and touch if the bed was replaced, the armchair donated or the built-in wardrobes pulled out?
In emotionally charged cases such as these, I would suggest working out which bits are the most sentimental and then thinking of different ways they could be incorporated into the home elsewhere. Textiles can be fairly easily changed in their form - a memory blanket or cushion cover spring to mind. With the more substantial changes, selected kitchen tiles can become coasters and trivets, an old bath can become a garden planter and old wooden flooring can be made into a fireplace mantle or modern wall slats. Repurposing and redirecting emotionally charged physical items is a creative way of keeping someone’s memory alive and a part of them comes with you into the next chapter.
What about the fear of having to leave and move on at a moment’s notice, so you think “why bother?” The feeling of being robbed of time, of memory and of plans can quite easily mean you simply do not want to change the interior of your home – even if it is a practical update.
The spirit of our homes does not always come from the fixtures, fittings and paint on the walls. It comes from the people we live with as well as our possessions. Arguably, we all have too many possessions and are far to material, but when you’re living with a conviction that this home may well not see you through to the end of this year or the next, then the idea of trying to make cosmetic updates won’t sit well with you. Small, portable items that hold meaning can adorn the space you are currently in and can be picked up and packed up quickly. The treasured photo frames, the favourite vase, a memory candle and a good storage system so that you can take comfort in knowing that you know exactly where everything is - the box of chargers, batteries, extra bedding. A well organised home in these cases can trump a well decorated one. Home becomes a place that you have control in, if not over.
Does it come from a place of simply being uncomfortable with change?
If your strong preference to not adjust your home comes from a place of not wanting things to change, then communicate this. If it isn’t broken, don’t fix it is a popular adage for a very good reason. There may be ways to appease all parties by investing in some cosmetic updates that create a more modern feel and help things run more efficiently without it being a total shock to the system. Rather than feeling a need to change everything, update and modernise one or two things: a ceiling light fixture or the electrics. By updating the efficiency of your home, you can update at a pace that is comfortable as well as beneficial to you.
Tips on approaching being over keen to change
Keep one or two non-bulky items from the time period you’re currently trying to update.
You may wish to remove every trace right now, but in a few years’ time, you may feel differently. I for one am guilty of this. I hate the feeling of clutter and too many possessions being visible. It gets me visually stressed, so I tend to throw everything out in one fell swoop. For one reason or another, it’s always the start of a long spousal deployment, or a significant developmental milestone that gets me around the house and in the garage with the bin bags. Now I’ve discovered Vinted I have a whole new impetus on my declutter and time to move on phases of life. On the whole, this isn’t too bad a system for me, but I do tend to strongly link emotion to possessions and as time goes on, my feelings adapt. There will be those items you wish to savour: the favourite mug, a specific piece of artwork and trinkets. You’ll know these instinctively. Just trust me, don’t be too hasty to throw everything out at once.
Upcycle and renovate DIY projects
The benefit of this approach is that you get to keep the piece of furniture, upholstery or soft furnishing but it reflects a new side of you, a new hobby or interest. This is one of the easiest ways to feel a sense of achievement, dopamine and a new look without having to spend hundreds of pounds. 10 years ago, we were in the era of covering every honey-coloured 90’s pine piece of furniture we could find in Annie Sloan’s white chalk paint for that Shabby-Chick feel. These days we’re adding reclaimed wood, or vintage inspired handles to Ikea units for #Ikeahacks to make the wholesale market feel more individual.
Give yourself an extra week before jumping in and redecorating.
That way you’ll be able to know how you really feel rather than acting on impulse. If you still feel exactly the same, if not even more fired up, then go for it – but if this comes from a place of ADHD, I’d recommend you get yourself a backer to this project, lest you enthusiastically start but quickly find yourself overwhelmed and stop without finishing it. Having someone who understands your vision and who you can rely on to help you finish a project you start will be a huge help when it comes to upcycling and redecorating.
If you’ve felt any connection to this blog post and can see yourself or a loved one on either side of the discussion, why not download the Wax & Wane Interiors’ Monthly Planner available on the Store section of the website. This 31- day audit goes through small, bitesize introduction to creating a sensory home – small enough steps for those who struggle to utilise interior design, yet also regular enough to give a daily dopamine hit without impacting attention levels.
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love, Charly.